A few mornings ago, I caught my reflection and thought, “Good grief. When did that happen?” The emerging lines on my face, the unforgiving impact of gravity,  and the silver strands in my hair aren’t just signs of time passing. They’re footnotes to a story that’s still being written. While I like to put my best face forward, I’ve come to appreciate these changes as evidence of a fully lived life. One shaped by joy, some heartaches, a few victories, and my share of humble stumbles along the way.

June is Aging Without Apology Month. This isn’t about pretending aging is easy or smooth. Some days feel anything but. Instead, it’s about letting go of the need to excuse or explain who we are becoming. No more apologizing for birthdays or for taking longer to get things done. No guilt about forgetting where we left the keys. Let’s talk honestly about how aging is portrayed, how it’s experienced, its impact on our wellbeing, and how we might choose to see it differently.

From Revered to Rejected

There was a time when older adults were seen as authorities. Elders weren’t just respected. They were sought out for guidance and advice. That shifted over time. As industry and speed took the spotlight, youth became the obsession while age quietly moved out of frame.

In 1969, Dr. Robert N. Butler gave this bias a name: ageism. (Wikipedia) It shows up in the quiet dismissal in a job interview. In the absence of older characters in stories and movies. In the way marketing skips right past anyone with a few more birthdays. Many relate to feeling ignored and invisible, with a hypothetical ‘best before date’ stamped on our forehead.

And this kind of bias doesn’t just hurt feelings. It can wear people down. Ageism is tied to poorer mental health, physical decline, a reduced sense of well-being, and even shorter lives. (CUIMC, Age-Friendly RI)

The Reality Check

While ‘Aging Without Apology’ can imply a confident and proud recognition of our years of experience, that is not the complete representation of the full mosaic of our years on this earth.  If we are to be honest, aging doesn’t always feel like a party. For some, it means dealing with daily aches. For others, it means facing an empty house. Loss shows up more often. Energy can be harder to find. And some changes feel like they pile on without pause.

Yet, resilience is something people build over time. No one gets handed a medal for surviving hard things, even though they probably should. And not everyone feels strong every day. That’s not weakness. It’s reality.

The older adults I know often describe a tangle of emotions. Some feel peaceful. Others continue to sit with grief that never fully lifts. Many live in both places. And that mix doesn’t need fixing. Instead, it deserves space.

So What Does It Mean to Age Without Apology?

Some thoughts to consider:

• Say what’s true. When something hurts, name it. Don’t sugar-coat it.
• Take up space. You’ve earned it. Don’t play small, and remember, you don’t owe anyone perkiness or pretense.

• Celebrate and mourn. Aging means you’ve lived enough to have both.
• Let humour in. It doesn’t mean you’re not taking things seriously enough.
• Keep company with people who make you feel seen. The ones who get it and get you!  That may mean reconnecting, or letting go (ouch!).
• Tell your story, your way. It still matters,  especially now.

So aging without apology means owning the full emotional spectrum that comes with it. We’re not here to perform perfect wisdom or forced optimism. We’re here to be honest. Some of the most powerful moments come from the messier ones, where contradictions live side by side. Which brings us to remember:

Humour and heartbreak often walk side by side.
That tension doesn’t break us. It gives life more depth. And in those in-between moments, the ones that don’t fit neatly in a quote or greeting card, we find what’s real.

Warm regards,
Rhonda Latreille
Founder, Age-Friendly Business®
Certified Professional Consultant on Aging (CPCA)®

p.s. Since 2003, Age-Friendly Business® has trained thousands of professionals and businesses committed to enhancing the client, customer and community experience. They are known as Certified Professional Consultants on Aging (CPCAs)® and Age-Friendly Businesses®. They have earned the right to ask for your business.

Body: When Society Misunderstands Aging, Health Pays the Price

Loneliness and isolation can hit harder than people expect. They’ve been linked to higher risks of stroke, heart disease and cognitive decline. And when the world treats someone as invisible, it doesn’t just affect self-esteem. It reaches into physical health, motivation and mental clarity.

On the other hand, being seen and valued changes everything. Older adults who feel respected and connected live longer, feel better and report more life satisfaction. (Age-Friendly RI, CUIMC)

Caring for our health matters. So does caring about how we treat one another.

Spirit: Words to Sit With

“Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength.”
— Betty Friedan