Why the other spouse should be at the centre of your client strategy

Published in The Scrivener, Winter 2025

We’ve all heard about the massive intergenerational transfer of wealth . . . those trillions shifting from the age 50+ market to their adult children.

But there’s a piece some professionals miss. Before the money moves to the kids, it often moves to the surviving spouse. And usually, that’s a woman. Women are still outliving men by about 7 years and many wives are younger than their husbands.

Introducing the “Inter-Spousal Transfer of Wealth”

This “first transfer” doesn’t get the headlines, but it should. If you’re

a professional working with mature clients, that moment changes everything . . . the way assets are handled, new decisions and priorities, and the professional relationships that will survive and help guide the transition.

The Money Moves and the Surviving Spouse Stays—Will You?

Here’s how it typically plays out . . . a couple, both in their later years, has worked with the same financial advisor for 25 years. For example, the “husband” attends every money meeting. The “wife” occasionally joins at landmark meetings and client appreciation dinners. When the husband

passes away, the financial advisor assumes that the relationship will continue. It doesn’t. Within 18 months, she’s working with a new advisor.

That isn’t rare. According to Investment Executive, about 70% of widows fire their husband’s financial advisor within 3 years. https://www. investmentexecutive.com/news/ industry-news/70-of-widowed-clientsswitch-financial-advisors-dont-beleft-out/

Sun Life Global Investments puts the number even higher: 80% of widows in Canada switch advisors within a year. https://www.sunlife.com/en/newsroom/news-releases/announcement/ only-15-of-financial-advisors-incanada-are-women-while-womensshare-of-wealth-assets-expected-todouble-by-2028/123720/

And it’s not just financial advisors who are at risk. For example, if you’re in law, real estate, or accounting, the same thing can happen to you. If your professional rapport was tied to the

now-deceased spouse, your competitors are ready and prepared to step in to build a new relationship.

The Real Cost of Ignoring Her

According to Stats Canada for the year 2023, families with the largest median net worth ($1.109M) were those where the main income earner was age 65+.

• The Lifetime Value (LTV) of 1 Client. In BC the average family sells their home every 7 to 10 years. How many potential commissions/ transactions are you losing if even one surviving spouse leaves you for another professional?
• The Numbers: Most industries quote an average referral rate of about 2.7 referrals per happy client, while dissatisfied clients are reported to complain to 3 to 10 persons! That’s a big and sobering range, impacting both the cost to your reputation and your opportunity. (Business Development Bank)
• Client Acquisition Costs: We spend a good portion of our budget on client acquisition; it is equally important to protect that investment and focus on client-experience and retention!

Let’s Talk about “Mary”

Mary is 68. Her husband dies suddenly from a stroke. While she was responsible for the day-to-day money management throughout their marriage, he took care of all the investments, insurance, and tax conversations . . . an effective and efficient division of labour at the time. Mary trusted “everything was in place.” That may or may not be the case. In addition to learning about her current financial and estate planning position, Mary may discover some disturbing gaps that need immediate attention.

The first advisor she meets speaks quickly, drops acronyms, and never once asks how she’s feeling or what she wants. She leaves the meeting irritated and no further ahead in her quest to understand her financial situation.

She soon moves all her business elsewhere . . . and rightly so.

The new advisor sits down with her, doesn’t talk down to her, listens carefully, and creates a plan that makes sense to her. That advisor didn’t just gain a client. They built trust. That’s the difference.

The Other Threat You’re Not Seeing

It’s not just that Mary might fire you. Her 45-year-old daughter with the MBA is in her ear right now saying, “Mom, my financial advisor is amazing. You should meet her.”

Adult children often speak for your competition. They’ve been researching, they’re digitally savvy, and they want to “help.” The kids won’t see you as trusted. They’ll see you as part of the old guard that needs replacing. They’re bringing their own professionals to the table. And unless you’ve proven your value to the surviving spouse directly, you won’t stand a chance.

Where BC Notaries and Lawyers Come in

If you’re in law, especially estate law or Personal Planning, the first wealth transfer is where your work hits real life.

1. Estate documents meet real emotion

When the husband dies, the Will activates. The PoA no longer applies. Representation Agreements may need to be redone.

2. But here’s the thing.

• If you never met the wife, she might not trust the documents.
• If she didn’t feel included in the planning, she might assume it was done to her, not for her.

You’re not just the drafter anymore. You’re now the interpreter, the translator, and often the emotional support. That works only if she already sees you as “her” lawyer, not “his.”

3. Real estate often shifts first.

The house isn’t just property . . . it’s memory, identity, history, and stability.

• It may be sold quickly if the surviving spouse wants to downsize or reduce costs.
• It may require title updates, survivorship processing, or tax reporting.
• The process might be complicated by adult children who suddenly have opinions.

If you’re the real estate lawyer or a Notary, you’re part of that transition. Get ahead of it by knowing both spouses while they’re living.

Explain how title works. Review estate implications. Ask who really wants to keep the family cottage and who’s ready to let it go. Don’t leave a grieving spouse to tackle those questions on their own . . . with the help of other influential relationships who may not understand some of the nuances of the various options.

4. Personal Planning needs a rewrite.

Surviving spouses face a new chapter. What was once “our” plan is now “her” plan.

• She may need to (or want to) change the executor.
• She may need a new PoA.

Professionals who anticipate those shifts, who update documents, clarify intentions, and calm the waters, aren’t just doing good legal work . . . they’re providing peace of mind.

Real Estate, Taxes, and Sudden Power Shifts

• Many surviving spouses in BC find themselves with assets they weren’t managing previously. That isn’t always welcome. A widow who’s never managed property may now be asked to downsize or invest. She might have adult children who are pressuring her to “just sell it all and split it.”
• An accountant may suddenly be explaining capital gains issues on a property she didn’t know was in her name.

Here’s what happens.

• She hesitates.
• She gets conflicting advice.
• She wonders, “Am I being taken advantage of?”
• She looks for a new advisor . . . Notary, Lawyer, Accountant, Realtor—someone who speaks her language and relates to her situation. If you’ve ignored her until now, you’re not that someone.

Establish Your Value and Your Relationships BEFORE You Need Them

Re. couples of any age, especially over 50, the opportunity is right now, not later.

• Bring both spouses into the conversation. If one is silent, ask, “How do you feel about this plan?”
• Make your documents “otherproof.” That means clear language, fair responsibilities, and understood options for future updates.
• Flag the “first transfer” explicitly. Talk about what the other spouse wants to happen before anything goes to kids or charities.
• Offer guidance tailored to the other spouse. Create checklists, resource guides, or plain language explanations.
• Make the other spouse feel like the client, too, not the tagalong . . . not the “later problem.” The current client, too!

Why it Matters to Your Business (and Your Reputation)

Professionals with that approach sleep better and retain clients longer. When the other spouse feels supported, they tell their friends. If they feel ignored, they walk and warn others.

The age 50+ market already holds most of the country’s wealth. Women in that market will control a growing share—expected to reach nearly 50% of accumulated financial wealth by 2026. https://www.ipcc.ca/ women-and-wealth?utm_source

That’s not just a stat. That’s a wakeup call.

Serving the other spouse is more than being “nice.” It’s smart. It’s strategic. And it’s overdue.

Final Thoughts

The market isn’t shrinking; it’s just shifting and the surviving spouse is sitting at the centre of that shift.

Professionals who serve with empathy, clarity, respect, and inclusion won’t only stay relevant, they will stand out. If you’re a Notary, a lawyer, a planner, real estate agent, or an advisor in BC (or anywhere), your next loyal client might already be in your files . . . just waiting for you to speak to them.